delayed potty training: Part 1 1/2

Last August I posted about getting ready to potty train! Well I tried and had an epic fail! My daughter got sick at the end of day one, so we had to postpone, 4 months later I still haven't attempted another try. I feel so overwhelmed with the idea of juggling her potty training needs with the other chaos in our life. Well now she is about to be three and some of the activities she wants to be in require her to be potty trained. So now is the time! I am amping myself up, getting mentally prepared. We have started talking about it again and she seems eager although her recent behavior with authority tells me I might need to work on my ability stay calm. So again stay tuned for the potty log and read our daily potty training antics and hopefully success!

cries for help! The child needs an exorcist!

 My daughter is about to be three and she knows it. My quirky, sweet angel turned into the devil over night. She fights with her sister non-stop, she hits or scratches her when she gets mad. Right now we use time out, but she screams the whole time and when she is done she goes and repeats the same crime she was just punished for. She screams over toys, food, anything she wants but doesn't get. When she hears NO, she thinks that means keep asking very loudly. It sounds like an angry growl...PLEEEEAAASSEE! If I knew any good priest I'd consider an exorcism. But the truth is, it's my fault, I have slacked off big time. I am at a loss as what other discipline techniques to use. It's been three years since I've had a three year old. What is a mom to do?  In times like this when my parental confidence is shot and I don't move forward in fear of making it worse, I turn to my moms group. I am so lucky to have this group. I went right to that message board and poured my heart out about my possessed child (cleverly written with a little humor to hide my insecurities about sharing my failed parenting techniques), that I love dearly but want to strangle most days. My husband wonders why I ask the opinions of others when I am the best expert on my own child. But the truth is I am not looking for a quick fixes, I need a ego boost. My fellow moms give great suggestions and example of their own techniques. I often use these techniques and try something new. But the best thing I get from my moms group is the feeling that I am not the only one! It's good to know 12 other moms have screaming demon children too! I also love the encouraging words. It's amazing how reading a few words written by someone else can totally change your whole attitude and give you the confidence to get back in the ring and tackle those stubborn preschooler attitudes.

 If anyone needs a support group it's the stay-at-home mom, but all moms could use a group to be a part of. These groups are so easy to find. I found mine on Meetup.com. But many groups can be found at local churches where they have MOP's ( moms of preschoolers) or MMO's (Moms morning out). The groups are what you make of it. Some groups are based on meeting regularly once a week where childcare is provided, then the moms get together to visit and do activities, or listen to speakers. Others include hosting events or play dates. Some of the events are just for the moms, where some include playtime for the kids. Most have a location where moms can post messages and connect with other moms online. My cry for help on my mom group message board was a way for me to connect and feel less lost when I needed it most. Parenting is hard, no doubt about it, but my moms group has helped me feel part of something special and when I feel confident in my parenting my kids get better mom and the idea of resorting to exorcism are less frequent!

Potty training a terrible two year old - Part I

Flushed with anticipation

After potty training two kids in two different ways I am finally getting ready to potty train my last baby. While the little angel is the apple of my eye, she has just hit her terrible two's. My instinct is to prolong the potty training during this rowdy, defiant time, but the desire to be diaper free is over powering. So how do I start this transition to diaper freedom? PLANNING! I spend about a month trying to determine which methods of potty training will best fit my child. Each one of my kids were different with a range of personalities traits different from the other. While one might be eager to please and earn rewards, the other would strive for independence and less hands-ons techniques. I discovered the that the best way to choose a potty training method is to listen to your child. I am no expert on kids but I have gathered the information I used to potty train my first two and hope this will help me potty train my 3rd. Lets get down and dirty!

Training myself

When it comes to potty training I always felt it was less about teaching my kids and more about training myself. Training myself not to by annoyed that my daughter just peeed on the couch and being ready for messes. I want to be mentally prepared for frustration without my daughter knowing how frustrated I am. I also I need to figure out what questions I needed answered before we can start. My first questioned was, what is my daughter capable of doing in the bathroom? Did my child have control of going potty yet? For example when I sit my daughter on the potty she can go poop and pee no problem. This tells me she can control it but I haven't encouraged her to focus that control. If control isn't there yet it doesn't mean she's not ready. If the control wasn't there I'd spend more days teaching her how to feel it during the training process by encouraging more very frequent bathroom breaks and filling her up on liquids. The more chances they get to feel it the more opportunity my kids had to get control. I decided where she is at physically and I have prepared myself for frustration, now I need to determine which method I will use.

Singing chairs, pulls up, cloth undies and more

There are many potty training methods out there that you can buy books on and read about. I am not here to tell you how to potty train your child exactly. This is how I sifted through all the information out there to come up with a plan to fit my child, and hopefully this process will help you determine what will work for your child. After looking at all the methods and using my past experience with my first two, I decide to use padded cloth underwear and rubber pants. I have found that cloth underwear helped my kids feel when they are wet and dirty. YES there will be messes, lots of them. Plan ahead and have lots of clothes ready. My daily routine includes leaving the house almost everyday. So even when I potty train we have to have a plan for leaving the house. On the first and second day those rubber under pants were a life saver with my first two. The rubber pants are great for the car and if they have an accident they will still feel it but there is less damage to your car. There is a downside to this. Rubber pants over padded underwear are tricky to get off. I use the shower hose off method. I take my kids to the shower and have them help me undress ( I try to to do the underwear myself) as carefully as possible and dump all the extra into the toilet. Then we use the shower to rinse off. I also try to make the water just a little chilly, not to be cruel but just as a reminder that while accidents are OK and part of the learning process, I don't want to make them to fun or enjoyable. My son was older (age 3) when I potty trained and I made him help with the clean up. Giving him the responsibility of cleanup made him not want to have accidents and eventually made him more proud when they didn't happen.
The other tool I needed was the potty itself. Any potty would work but I picked a potty based on my child's needs. My son liked the little potty chair because he could take it to whatever floor he was on. Freedom to roam the house was important to him. My older daughter however liked the regular toilet and wanted to be like the grownup. But I needed to remind myself before deciding on which potty that logistics are important. We needed a potty seat to use the big toilet and pulling clothes on and off herself was trickier. With this in mind for my last child I decided to use the big potty with a seat. She is smaller and is not as proficient in undressing but she also prefers the big potty so I am catering to her desire to feel big rather than my desire for the simplicity of a smaller portable potty.

Time to get your feet wet

The method I chose for daughter will consist of me taking her to the potty 45 minutes on the first couple of days. I plan to watch Elmo's potty time and drink lots of juice. I will set a timer (to remind my self) for when it's time to try. I also plan on having more organized play this day. Normally I allow my daughter to play alone in her room or the basement while I am doing chores. But on these special days I think keeping her close will help me manage accidents better thus keeping my cool. My biggest frustration will come with messes, but I know this and I am making these plans to keep my frustrations down in hopes of helping my daughter learn easier. These plans include lots of clean towels for quick clean up, multiple outfits for changing, organized play so I can monitor her more closely and have opportunity for me to remind her of the potty. I also hope to get my chores done ahead of time so I have a clear schedule to devote this time to her. After the first two days I will start to ease up on the mandatory bathroom breaks and let her determine when she needs to go. (The exception to this will be when we need to leave the house, at that point we will have a mandatory potty break). Day three always feels like the slide back day. When my first to kids started to get the hang of it I tended to slack off on and left them do their own thing or forgot to keep up on the conversation about it. Then messes increase and my patience decline. I hope to stay focused and strong and remind my self that diligence will pay off in the form of diaper freedom!

To good to be true

I know I am making my experience sound easy. But it wasn't with the first two. The common problem I had were getting them on the potty during those first two days. During the first few times my kids were eager to go potty for me, but after the fifth bathroom trip they were tired of being interrupted. I always tried to make the trips quick, I try not to dragged them there but I was sure to make clear that this was just something we had to do. Books in the bathroom worked wonders for my first two. However my last one child is going to be a different story. SHE LOVES the bathroom. But she doesn't like being told what to do when its not her idea. I also have seen that once she is on the potty she enjoys getting on and off, playing with the toliet paper and sitting for long peroiods. It is her idea of fun. My hope it to stay calm, make the whole experience seems like its important but also not that big a deal. It's an everyday activity that we need do and remind her that accidents happen and so does cleanup.

Stay Tuned

I start potting training in 3 days when my older two go back to school. I am keeping a log of the proccess to share. Each one of my children are so different and it will be intresting to see how this learning experience goes with my angelic terrible two year old!